Thursday, April 7, 2011

Does He Keep Doing That

Does He Keep Doing That

He doesn't remember things you say, gets the kids riled up, can't seem to gauge time & more annoying male habits explained by a guy who gets what's going on.

 Our relationship with sports predates our relationship with you by many, many years. I remember exactly where I was when the Phillies lost the 1993 World Series; I know who I was with and what I did when the Eagles converted fourth and 26 against the Green Bay Packers friend's  We've been fluent in sports forever, whereas we've only been speaking feelings and to-do lists for a few years.
I would be if I discovered that Karel had another spouse, office or otherwise. I think a guy's asking for trouble at home and at work if he has a relationship with a colleague that is intimate enough to involve the word wife. Men aren't always good at answering tough relationship questions, like: Is it okay for me to go out to lunch alone with my "office wife"? What about drinks after work, even with a group? Is it awkward if we have to travel together? Will coworkers get the wrong idea? Heck, I'm not sure even a woman could answer these, which is why I prefer to leave all forms of polygamy to Big

Reason 1: Children are easier to chase and catch when they're trying to digest or are just about ready for bed. That post-dinner sleepiness also means that when your husband throws them around, he's less likely to get a flailing knee to the head or hyper-toddler-energy-fueled elbow to the crotch. Those are things I take into account before I jostle my kids around.
We're stubborn. Saying sorry is admitting we're wrong and that we take responsibility for whatever is blowing up in our relationship or our life. In fact, the more wrong I know I am, the less likely I am to say, "I'm sorry." Chalk it up to the "man of the house" hangover, but many of us still struggle with the idea that our word is no longer the final word. We are a generation of guys who saw that our grandfathers, and in some cases our fathers, never had to apologize to their wives for anything, even when it was obvious to everyone they were wrong. Progress is hard. Um, sorry.
I really do think women look better without makeup. However, when Karel read this, she told me I had no idea what I was talking about, and that what I think is "no makeup" is actually "natural makeup." I'm not sure what natural makeup involves, but Karel is probably right on this one.
Yes, I notice all my weird hairs, rashes and boils. I'm comfortable with my body and its imperfections. Most guys are much less disturbed by the things women find so gross on their own bodies, and unless we're single and trying to attract an easily repulsed member of the opposite sex, a lot of us let things slide. There just isn't as much pressure for coupled-up guys to look a certain way. Plus, now that we're married, Karel tweezes, plucks, pokes and trims all my freakish growths long before they start to bother me.
Moms are sacred to us because they were the first women in our lives, and they spent most of their youth keeping us fed, healthy and happy - and many of them sacrificed a lot to do so. Also, most of us put our mothers through hell with worry in our teens and have been trying to make up for it ever since, and your negativity isn't helping. But mostly, no guy wants to hear the woman he loves ripping on the other woman he loves. So leave his mom alone, unless she's egregiously overstepping boundaries and intruding on your life as a couple, and then broach it veeery slowly, and be veeery careful in your choice of words.
Because sex is like a combination of penicillin and Zoloft for men: It's a cure-all and antidepressant rolled into one. We just assume the same is true for you. Your mom's in the hospital for hip-replacement surgery? Sex will cheer you up. Worried about getting laid off? Getting laid will take your mind off it. Here comes the comet? Let's have sex - at least we'll go out with a bang. Your guy isn't being selfish; he really wants to help, and he's suggesting something he thinks will be mutually beneficial. If you are positive a quickie won't boost your mood, let him down easy, or you may wind up with two foul-tempered people.

It's very hard to explain how uncomfortable it is to keep your legs closed to a group of people who don't have penises.
He may not have anything against them - he just can't keep them straight. I have two friends, and my wife loves them. Karel has a million friends: college besties, high school besties, work friends, mom friends. You guys have deep relationships and superficial ones that look almost identical. I think our attitude is interpreted as cold when, in fact, it is confused. We don't understand your level of investment in some of your friendships, so we're not sure what our level of investment should be.
You'd be amazed at the bizarre things that go through a guy's mind while he's having sex. Everyone knows the "thinking about baseball to postpone the inevitable" cliché, but it isn't relegated to baseball. There's also: Clowns. Shark Week. Armored cars. An old episode of MTV Cribs. Recycling. And yes, it's possible your guy is thinking about other women, but it's not a reflection on you or your relationship. I don't know if you've noticed, but men's faculties become slightly compromised during sex. We can't conjure or dismiss particular mental images, which could be anything from a woman we saw earlier in the day to a geology exam from high school. It's like the lid on the trash can of our mind topples off and random garbage spills out. Trust me: Other women are the least of your concerns.
Did we notice your new haircut? Your new dress? That new perfume you're trying? You guys give us way too much credit for having standards. I once got intimate with a woman who had a pretty bad case of shingles, which a health site describes as: "Red patches on the skin, followed by small blisters ... The blisters break, forming ulcers that begin to dry and form crusts." If I'm undeterred by a medical condition involving the words blisters and crust, then you don't need to worry about how you smell. Besides, we're too busy focusing on the amazing visual aid that is your body to notice anything else.

Oh, yeah, we do. Karel has this sand-lotion stuff that smells like cinnamon and butter, and when you rub it into your skin, you get all tingly, and then when you wash it off and get out of the shower, your skin is still tingly. I swear it feels like you're standing on a mountaintop nude, except you smell like cinnamon. But don't buy fancy potions just for us; having our own would make us feel sketched out that we use "products."

This is easily the most common question I get, so you are far from alone. I can't know why your husband doesn't want sex, but there are a million potential reasons. Maybe he's one of those guys without a huge sex drive. I have a friend like that. He married a lovely young woman who feels the exact same way, and they're very happy together. Maybe something at work is stressing him out and killing his sexual appetite. Maybe he's feeling insecure about your relationship or his own attractiveness. Maybe he has erectile dysfunction issues, or another health problem. And yes, it's possible that he's having an emotional affair.
Allow me to answer your question with a question: Why can't women see the hilarity in fart jokes? They're hilarious! The reason we're telling these jokes 20 years after we learned them is because a) We're perfecting our timing, and b) You can't go wrong with the classics.

This isn't a guy thing. Karel pulls the same routine with me, and it drives me crazy. She doesn't even bother looking before she asks me where I put her keys, glasses or phone. I'll find her standing right in front of her glasses while she's asking me where I moved them. It's the total lack of effort I find so vexing, like she's asking me to use my eyes so she doesn't have to use hers. So in closing, I'm right there with you in wishing I understood this phenomenon. Sing it, sister.
I like to say things will take 15 minutes because it makes you go away for a while, specifically for 15 minutes. If I tell you that writing a blog post is going to take two hours, then you give me crap about how long it's going to take. You list all the other stuff we need to do, and then we start fighting, and it ends up taking me even longer. When it comes to driving, I tell you it'll take me 15 minutes to get somewhere because, again, if I told you the truth, you'd gripe about it, and I don't want to argue with you while I drive.
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